Unsent Letter

I just got home.
We've been so close these days.
I thought about writing another letter for you.
The following were the ones I wanted to write but I did not.
I will just have it here because I don't have the courage to give you a letter.

Dear "You",

It's so nice to eat with you.
To walk with you.
To talk with you.
To look at you.
To share ideas.
To give some jokes.
To smile.
To pray with you.
To be with you.

I've been partly happy because you are like what you are before.
Even more than before.

I don't know.

Hey. I love you.
Even if you are so weird.
Even if things you talk about are sometimes out of these world.
Even if you have a messy hair right now.
Even if you have a pimple on your nose. --just now :P
Even if you are lazy at times.
Even if you are easily pissed.
Even if you tore me apart.
Even if you've hurt me a lot.
I still love you.
I accept whatever your features are.

I'm always here for you.
When people leave you, can't you see that I'm the one who stays with you?
When they can't help you anymore, I'm the one who stays behind and helps you.
I'm not telling you that I'm doing these just to be with you, physically.
No, it's not like that.
I wanted to help you because I love you.
I can't take it when someone talks badly at you and you become upset.
They just don't know you better than what I know.
I mean, I don't know you that much but I feel like I understand you more than they do.

Hey. I'm waiting here.
I do understand you.
I know it.

Just be contented.
Right?
You just want me to be contented with what we are right now.
I just somehow misses you a lot.
Even if you're with me, it feels like I'm missing you.
Physically there but I just can't help missing you.
You've told me a lot of things.
I want them to sink in to me.
But the more I think about them the more it hurts.
I wanted to say words to you but silence keeps me because some words are better not spoken.
It'll just make things worst. I think?

Hay. Drew.
I love you.
I'll just be patient.
Keep on waiting.
Find yourself. I'll stay behind.
I'll be waiting.

Love lots,
Nanette Jan