"I-don't-know" status

I wrote this post on my Psychology notebook when I was in Flambeau and edited it while I was on my Psychology subject.

...Someone asked me why I'm not asking you what our real status is. I did not answer. She told me that maybe I'm just afraid to know the answer. I kept silent again. But in my head, my mind was screaming that it's true. I'm really afraid to know the answer because somehow I feel like it's different from what I'm praying for.

...If there's an "I-don't-know" status then maybe it's what I'll tell them whenever they ask me about us.