Hugs

You've hurt me for a lo of times.
I made you angry at me.
You said hurtful words to me.
But I stayed the same.

I surrender.
I give everything to His mighty hands.

I hugged you 2 times.
I wish it could have last for a minute or more.
Bu t I have to bid you goodbye.
Thanks for the hug.

God. Please help me.
I love him so please make things better.
Lord, I put everything into Your power.
Thanks.

Jal Jinnaesaeyo

I'm going to take a deep sleep and I won't wake up for so long.
I'm so tired.
I'm nothing.
I really mean nothing at all.

So True?

I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.

It's getting harder to believe in anything
and just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts.

*paramore

College Fair-Day 1

You ignored me at first.
Then, you searched for me.
We bought foods together.
You gave me a cotton candy.
You held my shoulders.
You let me sleep at your back.
You pat my head.
I left the concert and you searched for me.
I'm glad that you did all those things.

Hey. I really love you.
Even if you are so weird.
And even if you eat a lot and get your stomach ache.
I love you even if you have a lot of faults.
I just don't know.

I really hope you'll see me.
And I really hope that I can still have the courage to not give up.
Because you are showing me things that hurts my feelings but at the same time makes me happy.

I love you.
Good Night.
I hope you'll get home safely.

-Thanks to Mark for allowing me to use his internet.
Thanks too to the ADSAA Office for allowing me to use the computer even if it's so late. :]

Not-So-Cute-Me

He is the cute guy and I'm the not-so-cute girl.

The guy I really love is so cute.
And it's hard because he's cute while I'm the not-so-cute girl.
Girls stop by near him and looks at him tenderly.
I'm not jealous.
It's just that, I think he'll never see me again.
Not physically but hmm..I don't know..can't explain it..I mean can't put it into words.
Maybe he's just so far away from me.
And maybe I'm really not-that-cute to look at.
*sigh*

untitled*

Dear "YOU",

I've been so confused these days about you.
I've cried at night since Thursday.
I thought you are about to leave me.
I don't know.
It somehow saddened me up.

This morning, when I woke up, I saw a message from you.
It was sent 30 minutes before I woke up.
You greeted me "Good Morning" in a different language.
I remembered that two weeks ago, you greeted me too.

Last night, I tried to call you up just to say Good Night.
You did not answer your phone.
I closed my eyes and drifted to my dreams.
But today, an hour ago, you called me up.

Thank you.

I heard that from you.
Thank you.
It was nice to hear you serious tone.
It somehow a bit silenced me.
I'm surprised that you are doing these things. :]]

God Bless you wherever you are.
Thank you too.
I love you.
I miss you.

P.S.:

I haven't seen you for

i pondered while sitting under the moon

There are a lot of people who loved and lost. They had the shortest time they could but that shortest time was the best of it all.

The person--usually their partner--the one they really love, dies when they reached the height of everything or that person suddenly disappears or disappointingly, leaves and gives up because of an unknown reason. The other person? Still there and waiting for the time that the other one will realize what was lost. Still there and believes that the other person will come back.

What's up with love? Why is it that most of the times when you are already sure of everything and decided for love, tests come? And why is it that you fight for what you believe while the other gives up? Why is it that when you already learned to love the person you believed in, it's the time that he/she bids you goodbye? And why is it that we love those who are hard to love you back?

So confusing. :]] Anyways. Love more. Hate less. Ignore critics. Love life. :]]

maybe, just maybe

I've been staring at my no-new-message-phone moment by moment.
Maybe, just maybe, you'll remember me.

-Another post that I wrote during my stay in Flambeau this afternoon.

Saved by a Sigh

I breathed deeply.
In short, I sighed.
I just can't help myself but to sigh.
You always wonder why I do that.
I guess it's because I feel like I'm drowning with thoughts in my head.
Mostly, thoughts of you.
And the only thing that I can do to get back to Earth is to sigh.

"I-don't-know" status

I wrote this post on my Psychology notebook when I was in Flambeau and edited it while I was on my Psychology subject.

...Someone asked me why I'm not asking you what our real status is. I did not answer. She told me that maybe I'm just afraid to know the answer. I kept silent again. But in my head, my mind was screaming that it's true. I'm really afraid to know the answer because somehow I feel like it's different from what I'm praying for.

...If there's an "I-don't-know" status then maybe it's what I'll tell them whenever they ask me about us.

What do you mean by this?

"Seeing this happening with my very own eyes makes me feel hopeless and useless. It breaks my heart because I could not do anything about it and even doctors as well. Out of all the people of this earth, why on someone who is truly good and pure in heart. Being the one who is about to leave is hard but being the one who is going to watch that person leave is harder especially when all you could ever do is to accept, understand and Trust His Heart. God help us."

Do you really mean that you are already leaving me?
You posted this one last night and I don't know what you mean.
Are you leaving me already?
I'm sad but I won't give up.

Hey.

While we were going home this night, I wanted to lie my head down but I can't.
I just can't because I'm afraid.
I wanted so long to tell you that I love you.
But I can't because it's inappropriate and you'll think of me as a jerk.
I wanted you to hold my hand.
But you won't because you're far away even if you're too close.
I wanted to but it just can't because you can't.
I'm here.
Please just see me.
I'm always here.
Please. Just please.
I'm sorry.

Boom! Boom!

I'm wondering what you will tell me later.
I'm still waiting for it but I'm really wondering.
I even cried and while waiting I prayed.
I was praying so hardly to Him.
I just don't know.
*sigh*
Hey, I love you so badly.
I'm stupid. I know that.
I'm sorry if I really love you.
*sigh*
I just hope you won't leave me tonight.

Where Are You Now?

I always look for you because you might be near me.
At the corridors in school,
At the office where we first ate our lunch together,
At the computer cafe where I first saw you,
In the streets of this city,
Over the small window in the door of our classrooms,
In my dreams,
In front of that building where you smiled at me,
At the "in-between",
In the stairs, even in the ramp,
At the hidden gazebo,
and everywhere.
Even if you can't possibly be there, I always look for you.
And if I can't find you, I just close my eyes and listen to my heart.
Because I know that you are here, held safely.
Even if I'm not in yours.

What is it really?

I'm standing at the edge of me.
I don't know what I want right now.
Do I really want to be like this?
Is this what I have been waiting for?
I guess not.
I guess yes.
I don't know. Really.

She Reviews. She Remembers. She says...

Marley and Me.
A dog named Marley.
A dog that is a Labrador in breed. Haha.
A dog that reminds me of so many memories. Haha.
Well, it was a cool movie to watch with the people I love.

It was touching too because you waited for me.
I don't know why you waited.
Maybe it's just because you care.
However, Nanette Jan, don't expect anything.

Thanks for waiting.
Thanks for always sending me home.
Thanks.

Anyways, I wanted to treat you today.
I saved my money from this week.
It was the first time I saved my money for someone I love.
But, hmm, it's too much to ask your time.
I'm sorry.
Did I abuse your time too much?

While we were on the jeepney, I was looking at you.
You were sleeping.
I don't know if you knew that I was looking at you. :P
I prayed silently.
I asked God to make you better.
I asked God to make you think wisely and to give you focus.
It was not my first time to do that.
I always do that every time we were together.
I quietly looks at you and prays for you.

I've said a lot of "sorry" today.
Because I am sorry.

I miss you.
I miss you more when we were together.
Because it seems that you were really not there.
I love you.
I always love you.

God Bless you wherever you are.

*Edit This Later

I'm the one who wants to be with you.
Deep inside I hope you feel it too.
Waited on a line of greens and blues,
Just to be the next to be with you.

author's note:
I don't want to edit this anymore. :]]
I decided to make the title as the same. :]]
This one's my song for the year! ;]]

Cold Night

It was a week of cold nights.
Today, I felt differently.
People who loves me talked to me.
They told me to move on and let go.
I cried again.
Haha.
I'm really stupid.
I love you.
And even if that makes me so stupid, I just can't let you go.
Every night, I pray that God will change you but then it's not yet answered.
But I believe God is working.
I just hope that you'll really realize that I'm here.
Sorry, Nanette Jan.
Sorry if I'm hurting you a lot.
Sorry because you still love him even if it makes you a fool and hurts you.
I'm really Sorry Nanette Jan.

Forgotten Date

January 14.
Supposed to be five months. -_-

Well, I'm in school again.
And, we were together before I write this.

First, let me talk about what we did and how he bid me goodbye.
Hmm, I saw him here in Cyber Siena when I arrived at school.
But I ran as fast as I can so that he won't see me.
I was hiding from him. I don't know why I acted like that. X

Then, I went to ADSAA office--their office as Student Council.
I hid when he was there but of course he noticed me.
I ate my lunch there.
We were alone together on the table.
We talked not too much because he has a class at 1pm.--the minutes ago.

This is how he bid goodbye.
I was standing at the door waiting for him to leave.
He patted my head.
I looked at him in his eyes and he looked at me too.
Then, I patted him on his back.
And he went out.

Smile or not?
Nyah. I don't know.
He may have been forgotten the date today.
This does not mean anything to him now.
And, I'm the only one who remembers this day. X
I just hope before we really part tonight--as we go home, he'll remeber.
But what's the sense of it when it's over.
Haha. I'm still hoping he''ll come back.
I won't close my heart.
I'm staying and I'll wait.

I just hope he'll see me.
I just hope he'll realize.
I just pray that God moves.

*sigh*

Completely Insensitive

"I am everything you want; I am everything you need; I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be. I say all the right things, at exactly the right time, but I mean nothing to you and I don't know why?"

Aren't you sensitive enough?
I've got so many things to say to you.
But instead of saying those words, I just write it here.
I'm too afraid to know the answers.
I want to know but I can't.

First. Why can't you see me?
I'm always here for you.
Ever since you love me, I'm here.
When you stopped, I'm still here.
It just hurts when you always tell me to be contented.
But, I can't show you that I'm not because you'll leave me again.
If that happens, it'll be more painful.

Then. Why is it that you say that some girls from this generation don't like you?
That you are an old school.
That you'll be in the provinces to find someone who'll be there for you.
I know it's just a joke from you.
I know you think I'm really serious.
And this time, I am very serious.
Are you this "insensitive" to not see me?
Are you really like that?

It just hurts that you don't care at all.
I mean, you care somehow but you just think like that.
Am I really the last girl you'll think about?

It just upsets me.
I thought everything is fine already.
But, no, you just really don't see me.
It makes me think that I really mean nothing to you.
Is what I'm thinking right?

*a lot of sighs*

-_- T.T :'(

Unfold

I appreciate everything that you are doing.
I really do.
Even if people don't like some of your features, I'm still here.
I'm ready to understand you.
Actually, I'm always understanding you. I won't be like them.

I just hope you'll change more.
You had changed like I said, before.
But you still need to change more than before.

Conspiracy!

A lot of sighs.
I don't know if I really feel sick today or is it just because you're not around.

*sigh*

We were what we were not before.
Did you get me?

*sigh*

I miss you.
Yesterday was fun but now...
It's all right anyway.
I mean a bit because we were not as what I want it to be.

*sigh*

I just miss you.
God Bless wherever you are.

-_-

P.S.
I'm off to my last subject anyways.
I'm in Cyber Siena.
The place where I first hmmm saw you.

concern

Concern.
I don't know if I'll be happy about hearing that you are concern to me
OR rather be sad because you are just concern.
I don't know what concern really means.
But our friends tell me that concern still has a feeling behind it. -_-

Wahh!!
I'm confused.

Unsent Letter

I just got home.
We've been so close these days.
I thought about writing another letter for you.
The following were the ones I wanted to write but I did not.
I will just have it here because I don't have the courage to give you a letter.

Dear "You",

It's so nice to eat with you.
To walk with you.
To talk with you.
To look at you.
To share ideas.
To give some jokes.
To smile.
To pray with you.
To be with you.

I've been partly happy because you are like what you are before.
Even more than before.

I don't know.

Hey. I love you.
Even if you are so weird.
Even if things you talk about are sometimes out of these world.
Even if you have a messy hair right now.
Even if you have a pimple on your nose. --just now :P
Even if you are lazy at times.
Even if you are easily pissed.
Even if you tore me apart.
Even if you've hurt me a lot.
I still love you.
I accept whatever your features are.

I'm always here for you.
When people leave you, can't you see that I'm the one who stays with you?
When they can't help you anymore, I'm the one who stays behind and helps you.
I'm not telling you that I'm doing these just to be with you, physically.
No, it's not like that.
I wanted to help you because I love you.
I can't take it when someone talks badly at you and you become upset.
They just don't know you better than what I know.
I mean, I don't know you that much but I feel like I understand you more than they do.

Hey. I'm waiting here.
I do understand you.
I know it.

Just be contented.
Right?
You just want me to be contented with what we are right now.
I just somehow misses you a lot.
Even if you're with me, it feels like I'm missing you.
Physically there but I just can't help missing you.
You've told me a lot of things.
I want them to sink in to me.
But the more I think about them the more it hurts.
I wanted to say words to you but silence keeps me because some words are better not spoken.
It'll just make things worst. I think?

Hay. Drew.
I love you.
I'll just be patient.
Keep on waiting.
Find yourself. I'll stay behind.
I'll be waiting.

Love lots,
Nanette Jan

Source of Happiness?

God.

He loves me.
He freed me from sin.
Now, I am free.
The words I wanted to say right now could be summed up by this verses:

Galatians 5

¹Christ has set us free! This means we are really free. Now hold on to your freedom and don't ever become slaves of the Law again.

⁹A little yeast can change a whole batch of dough, ¹⁰but you belong to the Lord. That makes me certain that you will do what I say, instead of what someone else tells you to do. Whoever is causing trouble for you will be punished.

²²God's Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, ²³gentle, and self-controlled. There is no law against behaving in any of these ways. ²⁴And because we belong to Christ Jesus, we have killed our selfish feelings and desires. ²⁵God's Spirit has given us life, and so we should follow the Spirit. ²⁶But don't be conceited or make others jealous by claiming to be better than they are.

Nice one!

Whoa!
I'm happy.
Very happy.

The things I did today:

• I woke up late because my cellphone did not alarm.
• I ate a heavy breakfast because ham tastes so good. :]]
• I saw my friends again -- especially my very dearest ones. :]]
• I enjoyed my subjects.
• I edited 6 and a "half" papers of my classmate's work in English. :]]
• I became the leader of my Tourism group.
• I received an "arf" message.
• I have a new game from Kuya Gerald.
• My classmates asked me to say, "God Bless." :]]
• Me, Lue, and Mark went home.
• My professor smiled at me because of my "cool" answer. :]]
• I came home safely. :]]
• God loves me.
  

For the blessings I received:

• I prayed to God to not make me late and help me in school. He did. :]]
• I got a very high grade for my prelims exam in Tourism.
• My friends were there.
• I went home nicely. :]]
• I ate yummy foods. :]]
• I saw Ching.
• The cloud looks so great.
• The wind blows so cool.
• The sun warms me up.
• The stars and the moon looks great.
• God loves me. :]]
• He loves you too. :]]
  

I'm so happy with my life.
God moves in me.
He loves me and you. :]]

Busy?

I kept myself too busy. Again.
And I'll keep myself busy everyday.
I guess this can help.
Will it?
What do you think?

I'm done with today's activities.
Tomorrow, I will go to school again.
BTW, I did my presentation for my report today.
It's not yet done.
Haha.
It took me three hours to finish four slides.
I'm not yet halfway.

I also found my drawing book.
I did some drawing.
Haha. I remember the days in High School.
We used to rush our work for we were given just an hour to finish our activities.
Drafting!
Haha.

It's really funny how time passes so quickly.
I just woke up this morning and now it's already evening.
Days ending so fast.
Last time it was just New Year and now, 5 days passed abruptly. Haha.

God loves me.

Bye for now. :P

author's note:
I'm trying to beat someone's record. Haha.
I know I can't beat it.
That someone is a hustler.
Haha. Lol. :P

Time in Serenity.

Much Better.
I feel good.
Thanks to God and for my friends. --especially Mia.

I've lost the words I ought to write.
But as a solution, maybe I'll better leave some new words of mine. :]]

I can't forget you.
I guess I'll just have to stick with this memories.
It does hurt most of teh times.
But I know I'm already fine.
I'll live.

God loves me.
Maybe, NO, really It's not yet the right time.

Speaking of time, I've used it a lot in a nice way.

• I met new people.

• I saw the old friend of mine.

• I hang-out with Miatot--another new movie trip.

• I went to church--which is what I really love. :]]

• I slept in the afternoon. :]]

• I ate chocolates!!

• I look great.

• I smell good.

• I saw Ching and Patrick's smiles.--cool babies :]]

I kept myself too busy today that I almost forgot you.
But, still, there are places that reminds me of you.
Places I've been to, today.
Nyah. I must be happy.

God is there.
He's always there and He'll provide me a better one.
:]]
I just have to be patient and keep on trusting Him.
It'll come soon.
At the right and perfect time.
In His Own Time!

:]]

Love it.
Today was great.

How Long?

You are my sweetest downfall.
I loved you first, I loved you first.
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth.
I have to go, I have to go.
Your hair was long when we first met.

It's exactly 3:30am.
I've been sleeping so late these days.
And right now, I'm currently listening to "Samson" by Regina Spektor..all over again.
I'm stuck with this song. :P

How long will it be like this?
Will it last for a long time?
I hope so.

Anyways, it's very nice to stay up late--regardless of the health issues.
I enjoy it.
Especially when it's like this.

You are my sweetest downfall.
I loved you first, I loved you first.
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads.
But they're just old light, they're just old light.
Your hair was long when we first met.

Not Another Work

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."
-Confucius

I made this blog for you.
But as time passes by, I have to change.
Although, this one is still new, I have to make some changes.
This one's for you. Before. But now, it's for me.
Some posts maybe for you but I'm trying harder not to.

I made three blogs before these but I stopped using them.
I want this to be my final one.

Anyways, work!
I won't put myself to make this a "work" all over again.
Before, on my blogs, I used to write every day and every thing that goes on my mind.
I started to think much about it on what I will write.
It became a work because I started doing this-and-that for everyone.
To please them.
After few months, I became tired and I ended them.

Writing is one of my passion.
A hobby.
A part of my life.
I can't take it out of me even if I tried for so many times.
I just want to express myself.

So as the new year starts, my life starts to change too.
This blog, being a part of my life, has to change too.
I don't want to write as a job but I want to write to relax. :]]

Insights.
Lessons.
Quotes.
Funny Things.
Sad Moments.
Life.

I'll live and write.
This one's not going to be a "work".
:]]

"I never worked a day in my life. It's not work when you love what you're doing."
-David Shakarian

Nice Start!

God. :]] Music. Chocolates.Iced Tea. PSP. Guitar. Book. Cousins. Grandparents. Uncles and Aunties. Friends. Computer.

Haha. I love it. Nice start for me. :]]
It's so nice to hang-out with my cousins.
I love music too.

Haha
Let's live.
Enough of being "emo".
Nothing's going to change if I'm one but it's better to be cheerful.:]]

Smile!

Nankurunaisa

Everything in the end will be fine.

I was reminded of this magic word.
A very touching word that's a part of me.
I had forgotten it for a while and now it's back.

It's a new year for me.
I survived 2009 without taking my life--suicide!
I encountered a lot of difficulties and I did not remember.
I forgot. God is there all along.
Everything in the end will be fine.
Though things work out not as I expect it to be, I must accept.
It's really hard but nyah, let's live.
After all, if we live life to the fullest, looking forward to tomorrow and have God in our lives, things will work out.
Just wait patiently.

Live for tomorrow and also for today and don't forget to smile.

author's note:
this is my first time to use my own picture.
nice shot. :]]