One-oh-One

I was happy this morning. I was happy. I was. Now I'm all alone and I feel sad. I'm starting to feel the pain. No matter how I try to look and to be happy, I still fail. This damage took a lot of me.

Expectations. They really hurt. It's not reality that hurts but expectation. Can't I wake up from this sleep? Why has it been too deep? I had fallen into a very deep well and now I'm drowning.

I tried to be contented. While walking, I thought that what matters now is my life; that I should live. I wish I could live. I wish I could be happy. But when the thing you really wanted was lost, it's hard to be happy.

I lost myself. I thought I'm coming back but where am I? I'm lost again.

God. I miss you. Make me happy again. It's hard. My body, half of my mind and half of my heart is not willing. Please, Lord, don't let go of me. I know you love me. The sun shines. A new day for me is always being given. I know there is still something I have to do. I know that I'm still alive because You wanted me to learn to live and accept reality. But Lord, it's really hard for me to accept everything especially when I lost it. Help me. Give me intention to be happy and to live again. Help me not give up.

I can still hear a small voice telling me to live.

-March 02, 2010