orange chicken

We ate in Chowking. It's really nice. After I ate mine, I stared blankly while drinking my coke. I think what I thought during that time is that you are going to say goodbye again. You've said that a lot of times and all those times I really cried hard - -(for long days).

Well, before we ate, you said that I'm like your mom by always changing my mind. Also, before, when we were in the playground, you also said that I'm like your mom who does not listen to conversation by running away. I thought hard. I don't want you to think of me by always running away and by shifting my mind always.

I tried hard not to run away from you when you are talking. It's really hard. I wanted to cry but I did not because I don't want you to know how I really feel. I listened to you. That was the dawn in St. Thomas during our camp. You said that for the first time, I did not run away. Do you know why I did that? I hope you know. I really kept my tears inside and my heart I think while you are saying those words, it stopped beating and wished that it would never beat again. But it did not because that's reality. I kept my ears open and so is my heart while it's beginning to break again. I listened to you. I had the effort.

About shifting minds? I hope I can do that too for you to see.

BTW, it's 24 today. It was July 24, 2009 when I first saw you.

click photo for source.

fate, time, love

“Strangers at one point, good friends in time. Nobody knows how our world works. It’s a matter of time when you truly appreciate person. a matter of fate: where the right people are at the right place and at the right time. Nobody understands how the universe conspires for us to meet the people we’ll have or have communications with. But then, it just happens, you click and the story begins.”

—	Anonymous, I found it on my old site. Haha. :]] click picture for source.

slow down, down, down

“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.”

-Anonymous

click photo for source.

cold, dark, sadness !positive!

“We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.”

— David Weatherford

click photo for source

someone believed.

I Believe…

That just because two people argue,doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue,doesn’t mean they do love each other.

I Believe…
That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe…
That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe…
That true friendship continues to grow, even the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe….

That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe…

That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe…
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe…
That you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I Believe…
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe…
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe…

That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe…
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe…
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe…
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when

you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe…
That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe…
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I Believe…
That it isn’t always enough,to be forgiven by others.Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe…
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I Believe…
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe…

That you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe…
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe…
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I Believe…

That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe…
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe…
The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything
we just make the most of everything.

-Anonymous

click photo for source

he said

• “If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good."

• "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."

• "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind."

—	Dr. Seuss click photo for source

roadmaps

What road am I taking? I've turned left and right and now I am walking towards a straight path. I've been in dark roads but I found the light and I'm following it. The roads I took are rocky. Some are muddy. Some are smooth. I've traveled while raining. I've traveled also with the sun. I was on my journey with people. But now, I'm alone still traveling. I've took pictures with my journey. I stopped most of the times and thought that I should stop my journey. God is with me during this journey that's why I still continue. And now, I'm not yet halfway but I believe I will still encounter so many things. My map? It's God. I just go where He leads me. I have to know which is the right path but sometimes we really took wrong paths but there's always another way we can take to go on. Just believe and be strong. ;]]

click photo for source.

try to forget

Forgetting things? I’m good at it. Since I was a kid, my mom used to scold me all the time because I’m careless. I lost a lot of pencils, pens, notebooks, test papers and many school things. I also lost my bag in a store during grade school. I just remembered that I left it when I arrived at home. I cried and cried and luckily, my bag was still in the store when I got back.

I forgot my recognition day too. I was supposed to go to the stage and have my First Honor Award but I forgot it. I forgot the date and time. -_-

Now I’m in college and I still forget things. Just this morning, I forgot to go to the Gym for clearance signing. I forgot the rubber shoes I was about to lend to my friend. I forgot to print my homeworks. I forgot to forget love and I forgot to live and be happy.

There are really a lot of things I forget but why is it that the most hurtful ones aren’t the one that I’m forgetting? Why is it that those were the ones that stays on my mind? I wish I could forget how it is to love or to feel the pain.

I wish I could forget that I love him so that I can hate him. But it’s not like that. I love him to the point that even if he’s doing things to make me stay away from him. I wish I could stay but he does not want me. I love him even if I’m not the one whose in his heart.

Well, enough with love and him. See? I don’t forget it. I wish I could forget and just remember the things I should. :]]

click photo for source.

speak not

Please don’t say too much oh, I think we’ve heard enough from you.

-Paramore

click the photo for source.

yesterday afternoon

I'm wondering what my mind is composed of. If I think too hard, I guess what's in my mind were music, God, food, projects, homeworks, Chylsy, my grandma, future job, life or death, him, pain, clouds and so on. I think from one thing to another and I call it "shifting". I can say that somehow, my mind is normal. It's really wonderful that there's a lot of things in my head.

I wrote this after I had awaken up yesterday afternoon.

click the photo for source.

hush now

Yesterday, I was assigned to make Ching (popo) go to bed. It's so hard to make her go to bed because she's superactive. I tried to bribe her by saying, "If you will sleep, I'll buy you softdrinks, candy or anything you want. Just go to sleep." I just wish she could go to sleep because I'm super tired. I just arrived home with tears in my eyes and holes in my heart and it's really hard to amke her go to sleep. I almost lost my temper but Haha! I won. I made her go to sleep by frightening her about the guard of our subdivison getting her. Haha. Lol.

When she was asleep, I too took my nap. After that, I also wrote this--the same with Mind Bugging. :]]

click the photo for source.

love love love me

Acceptance is what I’m doing now. For the first time, I woke up and lived like I was before. I hope this stays with me. I love what I am right now. I’m learning to accept things slowly and it feels better. I guess the thing I needed to heal is just inside me but I never listened hard to what my soul says. Now, I’m ready and I’m facing the world again with a smile and with God’s love and strength. ;]]

click the photo for source.

unintentional but this is what I feel

I'm totally hurt today. This is the day where I died again. I don't know how to be fine anymore. I'm only trying to be happy but now it all went down. I really don't know if I'll be able to live. I'm really happy before. I try to laugh as hard as I can. I try to smile even i my tears want to flow. I'm dying. Dying in terms of losing myself. And I think I can't be revived. I'm really losing myself and it's no one's fault. I'm not happy anymore with my life. The people I knew don't know me anymore because I'm totally different. -_-

I used to know myself much better. -_-

Tomorrow

(my classmates..lol..i miss those days..haha)

Tomorrow is the 14th of March. While I was on the jeepney, I thought about it. I can't bring yesterday but tomorrow is the day when I will remember all those memories again.

I don't want to be sad. I hope I will not be sad. I wish. I pray. I just want to live again. I don't want to lose as many friends as I can.

I have change a lot since the 26th of October. And now, it's the 13th of March. Days passed by so quickly. I wasted a lot of my time crying and wishing for things to be the same again. But it can't be. There is still hope in my heart telling me that maybe tomorrow he'll be back. Everyday, that thought keeps on bugging me but not all the time. Well, that's what i think. :P

Well, I hope I can face tomorrow clearly. It's not his day anyway, it's God's day and everyday is God's day. I was not born to be happy by myself but to bring and do what God wants me to do. I just wish I can do those things. I need intention.

100th Post :]]

Wow! I've reached my 100th post. By tradition, I always have my 100th post a solo post. Haha. I wanted to post more about anything.

I'm happy that I still haven't closed my blog yet. I hope I won't close this one. :]]

1 Corinthians 13:6

⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Love does not delight in evil. Love should never enjoy evil. That was told to me yesterday morning. I was looking at the sky while the stars are fading away and while beside the person I really love but not the center of my heart--because God is in the center of my life. I pondered hard about it this morning.

I woke up this morning as usual. But as time passes by while I was lying in bed, God had talked to me. I asked Him why I'm still alive, why I had awaken again. God had answered me through a miracle. I believe its a miracle. There was no water from the faucet. I was taking a bath and when the water from the pail is almost gone, I opened the faucet with faith that God will provide. Water flowed freely. (I asked a sign that if God answers at least one of my prayers, then God still has not let go of me. And He didn't.) From there, God that I will live and I'll stop doing bad things, first and foremost, one of the worst things.

This afternoon, I bought a book. Actually books because they were two. One for/about God and another for life--how to be a human. While on the bookstore, the man I really love sent me a message about something. I have to reply what I ought to and through God, I replied what I need. To show him real love, I have to stop what I should. I asked God for patience and the courage. Maybe someday, I might be tempted but God will always give me the strength to refuse it.

I really love him so I realized that I should show him that I love him because maybe he really thinks that I don't love him. He thinks I'm obsessed with him. In reality I'm not, I know myself. And it hurts because the one you trusted most and hopes that understands you does not. The worst part is he thinks I'm really obsessed with him because it was said to him by a psychologists. It really hurts because that's what he thinks I am. Just because I care for him, for his grades and for his life, he thinks I'm obsessed. Now, I'll show him that it's love and not obsession--by taking up some steps--though it hurts..lalalala

God please help me. Give me the courage and if it is Your will please answer my prayer. I really wanted to be with him but he thinks I'm obsessed and he's at the center of my heart. Please don't make him think about that. Lord, help me to live too and smile. Please. Be my guide in each decision and always help me. Thanks. I love you.

At the Sight of Me

I tired so hard to avoid him but at the end of the day, he saw me. I moved so quickly so that I won't stay so long just to be so close to him. I still did my part to avoid him. There are tears flowing on my eyes when he saw me.

-_-

At the Sight of him

I saw him.

It was terrifying. I don't know what to feel but right now, I'm empty. I saw him for the first time since the day he said goodbye. I waited to check if it was really him. I believe it was him and I was right. At the sight of his eyes, I turned quickly so that he won't notice me.

I promised to stay away and that's what I'm doing. It hurts walking behind and turning the opposite way so that I can avoid him. Ha!

It was such an extraordinary feeling. I hate myself. Ah! It's all coming back. The pain, the agony and so on.

I feel like crying. He won't see me and I know it's nothing to him. I wanted to see him, to hear his voice but all I can do is walk behind. :(

martyr.

Do I really want you to know what I wanted to say? I wanted too but I don't like that because it might hurt you. I just wanted to express myself but at the same time I would not because it would hurt you. Ah! You've hurt me terribly but I still think about not hurting you. :(

One-oh-One

I was happy this morning. I was happy. I was. Now I'm all alone and I feel sad. I'm starting to feel the pain. No matter how I try to look and to be happy, I still fail. This damage took a lot of me.

Expectations. They really hurt. It's not reality that hurts but expectation. Can't I wake up from this sleep? Why has it been too deep? I had fallen into a very deep well and now I'm drowning.

I tried to be contented. While walking, I thought that what matters now is my life; that I should live. I wish I could live. I wish I could be happy. But when the thing you really wanted was lost, it's hard to be happy.

I lost myself. I thought I'm coming back but where am I? I'm lost again.

God. I miss you. Make me happy again. It's hard. My body, half of my mind and half of my heart is not willing. Please, Lord, don't let go of me. I know you love me. The sun shines. A new day for me is always being given. I know there is still something I have to do. I know that I'm still alive because You wanted me to learn to live and accept reality. But Lord, it's really hard for me to accept everything especially when I lost it. Help me. Give me intention to be happy and to live again. Help me not give up.

I can still hear a small voice telling me to live.

-March 02, 2010

Great Big Moon

The moon looks great.
It's so big and luminous.
So great.
Perfect in the dark bluish sky.
Ah. I remember something. Haha.
But I won't tell what it is because nothing will change if I tell it.
Haha. It won't change the situation right now.
Anyway. I'll enjoy watching Spongebob while doing FB. Haha.
Lol!!

Wish I could be happy. :]]

"Memories are the only things that don't change, when everything else does."

wishing!

(me at the cross)

Sssshhhh.
Silence!
It's so noisy.
My mind shouts so many thoughts.
I need a new book.
I need ice cream.
I wanted to read.
I wanted to eat.
I wanted to climb another mountain.
Haha. Lol.

I wanted to do so many things but there are so many things too that hinders me.
Haha.

Day 4 of Day 1

New Start!
Day 4 of Day 1. Cool.

Today is March 01, 2010.
This day will never return again so the time being spent must be valued.

The sky looks good though it's hot. The clouds are fine. The people around me are good.

I went to school. I finished my pending school works--most of them projects. Well, I'm glad I'm done with it. I only have to print it. I ate my lunch with my two friends--Kuya Gerald and John. We talked nice topics. I saw cute children while sitting all alone in front of St. Catherine. Those children are really nice. They are innocent of the things happening. They just play and eat and are happy. I went somewhere I can print some of my projects. I saw my bestfriend's sister. It's been a while since I saw her. It's nice! I went home quickly. I'm writing.

I'm blessed today with so many things. Good things. :]] I'll be happy. I'm starting to find myself again. I hope my way would be clear. :]]

----One thing I wish and prays for is for him to be happy and mature enough. I miss him today. Not only today but every minute. I just hope he'll have a good life. Hmm. I really pray for that. Well, God Bless you wherever you are. :P

all I wanted to say

I found this one. Haha. Cool!