Open Letter

Dear "You",

What?
I was losing my hope when you talked to me.
It was nice.
You've realized it after a while.
I see now.
You've changed. Really!
I'm happy for you.
I'm really happy even if it'll take a big part in me.
I mean, even if it causes sadness in me. A bit.
I guess this is what love really means.
Deciding for what's good for you.
I now understand.
I hope you'll continually change and be better.
We will have separate lives from now on.
It's sad but nyah I must accept.

I'm sorry if I'm acting so badly.

Tonight before this year ends, I cry.
I'll try to make it the last time but I can't promise.
And when I cry, I'll have this smile in my lips.
The smile I had during that morning in St. Thomas.

And I'll never see those days again.
But that's just how it goes, people change.
But I know, I wont forget you.

For God's part, I'll make Him do His part.
Most of the times it's hard to understand but I'll try.
Trust in Him always.

I thank you for every memories we've shared.
I believe that you loved me even just a bit.
The answer I've been waiting for the question if you really love me has been answered.
I know you loved me because you said sorry.
Thanks. God Bless.

I hope you'll find me here.
Please do find me. Look for me. This one's for you. Read this words.

Thanks for saying this words:

http://www.mediafire.com/?jwzwjmfdyyy
Nanette
I'm sorry for being a jerk to you..
I mean
Not thinking well for my actions.
I'm sorry if I'd took you for granted at some point..
I realized na sarili ko lang ang inisip ko.

Love lots and always,

Nanette Jan

Last 5 Hours

Time lost cannot be regained.

5 hours left and it'll be 2010.
I wasted a lot of my time during this year.
Good things happen as well as bad things.
I regret some of my decisions but nyah let's just forget it.

I pray that God will help me to decide clearly.
I hope that this year will be a good year. :]]

God loves us! :]]

Stand Up!

I'm not regretting what I had written last night.
Not yet.

Hmm.
But I must stand up with my decision.
It will make me better.
Though the steps I should take are too hard, I must do it.
Wahh! I just don't know what to do.

Hey! You!
Are you reading this?
Did you find me already?

I love you.
I believe you are a good person even if ...
I love you.
I hoped that you'll change but you did not.
And still, right now, I'm hoping.
But it seems like I'm the one making you bad.
I don't want that to happen.
Did you love me?
Before, I believe you did but now?
I'm confused because of the actions you're doing.
Did you really love me?
It seems that the answer is no because you're making me feel that you just need me for a reason.
It's not love for me for love is what I do and not what you do.

I'm really confused. Hay!!

Oak and Nut

"Today's mighty oak is merely yesterday's little nut that managed to hold it's ground."

After thinking much about yesterday's advice, I came up to a decision..just now. :]]

I became a very different person.
I changed my image from a simple, quiet girl to an "emo", broken, sad girl.
I frequently smile unlike before.

Now, it's time to change.
To go back again.

Thinking too much, regretting, forgetting God's promises and ruining myself.
It won't turn back time.
It won't make you come back.

So now, I'll go.
I'll run as fast as I can.
I'll smile.
I'll be happy.
I'll forget you and every memories.
I won't think.

And while my head's so clear today, I must do all these things.

You never did love me.
You just need me.
I hoped for change but you did not.
I waited so patiently and I tried so hard to understand you, but you abused it.

And now, I'll go.

I might regret making this decision but it will be for my own good.
I don't want to be stuck in this miserable life I created because of you.

This will be my last goodbye.

I won't let the nut be a mighty oak.
I don't want a problem by not destroying this nut.

"ichigo ichie"

"Treasure every encounter with another person."

Me and my two younger cousins went to a mall in the city.
We were to buy ingredients for fruit cocktail and ice cream cake.
But my cousin decided first to hang-out, so we took a long walk.
I noticed a Japanese restaurant while we were walking.
I stopped for a while and a Japanese phrase caught my eyes:

"Ichigo Ichie"
It means, "Treasure every encounter with another person."

I wanted to save those words in my cellphone but I have no time.
So, I just paused for a while and memorized it.
After that, we moved on.

...**********...

I guess it caught my eyes because of a reason.
I may not know what the reason is but somehow, I realized that I should treasure every person in me.
I was reminded that life's too short.
I have to keep on making memories and appreciating every one near me.
It was a nice day to smile.

So, I say: Smile!

nichi nichi kore kōnichi

"Every day is a good day"

How I wish that every day of my life is a good day.
It "was" good before but now...*sigh*
Well, it just goes with this:

"Often, we get impatient and take things into our own hands but God said, "Be quiet. Trust me.
I know your needs better than you do. Just wait and give me chance to work for it."

I've been too stupid that I do things by myself.
Even if I know that everything's useless without God, I still insist.
I'm such a fool.
And now, I'm really tired.
I know God loves me.
I know He works in me.
I just need God to make me realize that.
I need God to give me more trust in Him.
I can't do it alone.

Here I go again.
Writing.

I missed this part of me.
I closed everything ever since that day.
And now, I'm slowly opening it again.
I hope I'll stay the same.
I hope God will always give me strength and courage to live.
I hope I'll be okay.

Light up the Fire

"One step at a time."

Tonight, I' starting to change this blog.
Hmm. I'd like to put insights about everything.
I don't want to get stuck up with these "unending" feelings.
I'd like to write again.
Write about life.
About the world.

But still, this one is about you.
And still:

"I Wish You Knew This Was About You."

Last Christmas

photo by deviantart.com

I keep on hearing this song.
It applies to me, I guess.
I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away.

Is it appropriate to call this a song?

Are We We Are?
by: Jan

Yesterday was fine.
I met you up to watch a movie in my house.
I felt great.
We were together, hand in hand, without "them" noticing.
I'm happy we were together before Christmas.
Are you happy too?

It seems like we were like we were before.
But we are not.
No we are not.
Because you don't want to.

It's frustrating when you said these words.
"It's hard to be happy if you're craving for many things or something else.
Learn to appreciate what you have and be happy with it.
Contentment."

Ohhh, Contentment?
Do you mean we can be like this until everything fades away?
Do you think my love for you will fade away?
You don't know anything.

It seems like we were like we were before.
But we are not.
No we are not.
Because you don't want to.

Ahh, I'm a fool.
I can't keep myself away from you.
I'd better die.

Fool! It's time.

When should I crawl.
When should I take the final blow.
When is it bad enough.
To earn the right to show.

meganddia

Will it work?

Never, never understand the words I wrote.
Never mind a heart that's broken right.
He could never be mine.
Something that I do is fight, fight it.

meganddia

Please Remember!

Finally, it's my time, to be lonely enough.
Unloved and I can't wait.
Don't forget what I said; don't forget my letter.
Every night I pray for you.

meganddia

Is this real?

What's up with you?
I want what's happening with us right now.
But am I being played around?
I hope not.
Be real.
Be better.

nevertheless

However, accidents in life are many.
Kites in hands can have their strings broken.
It hits me straight to the bones. My bones.
I find it hard to keep still.

holding back

"I gave you your rights. How about mine?"

You want to move on as you said from the line above.
I'm holding you back. I'm bringing you down.
But it was not my intention.
I just can't move on.
I'm sorry but I can't let go of it.
You can easily move on as if nothing happened.
But me?
I told you, I'm really stuck here.

You want me to be the same "me" before you met me.
But I can't. I just can't be the same anymore.
You said, "You're an emo."
I said, "Yes I am."

a chance of sunshine

agony of 2:30am

"Less craving for someone, the easier to move on."

The line you told me while lying on your arms.
A cold night together.
Full of silence and pain.
You are putting a closure but it's not yet finished.
I can't close it.
Time passed quickly.
I wish I could stay in your heart.
I wish I could stay in your arms.
How I wish!
But it ended so soon.
These words below, I can't assure that I'll keep myself safe.

"Be good. Don't kill yourself."

at this moment..

Right now, I miss you.

I really miss you. I can't hold back my feelings because today is 14.

Do you remember that cold 14 night?

Will you remember it?

I can't fight this emotion anymore.

I really miss you.

But you will never know.

All that you know is that I'm starting to move on with my life.

But I'm really not.

It's just for my friends.

They miss the old me and not the "me" I created after you left.

I act like I'm really happy because I don't want them to leave.

But deep inside, I'm crying. I'm sad. It's painful.

Deep inside, I really want to be with you.

I'm still hoping.

There's still a little voice behind every thing that tells me, "There's still hope."

Though, what you had done was really painful, I still love you.

I can't turn back the time anymore.

But even if it hurts a lot, I still can't hate you.

I'm still stuck here, hoping.

I miss you.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if I can't stop myself from this sadness.

I know that you want me to be happy but I can't.

I'm trying but after a while all my efforts are being destroyed.

Please do find me.

Read these words.

I still hope you'll come back.

It's really painful.

But I'll endure it and still believe.

I will still wait.

hollow and despised

Disguise yourself to hide the scars.
It could be worse you know, so leave it how it is.

Makers and Breakers

Do you understand the reason for pain?
Or am I the only one who hears it?

nothing i can do..

Two hundred miles away from home.
Two hundred miles beneath this lake is where my heart belongs.
Hopeless love, why did you carve your home in me?
This broken heart is too weak to hold your weight.

The Beginning

Please do find me. Look for me. This one's for you. Read these words.

I'm writing these words for you. Only you.
Memories I can't forget.
I'm moving on with my life just now.
I started walking and I might look back but I won't get myself stuck.

These words are about you.
The memories I held so close that I can't forget.
I will write it here.

I'm full of pain and agony right now.
But as days go by, I'll be better than today.
I don't want to forget so I'm writing everything I can.

They say, "One must move on by forgetting the past."
I say, "I can move on by not forgetting."

I can't regret something that made me smile for a while.
These words may sadden me a bit but I know deep inside, I was happy once.

I'm writing.
I will not stop.
I'll write.

"Live for today and also for tomorrow. And don't forget to smile."