Post 14. Letter Again for You.

February 07, 2010, 12:50 am
Sunday

Dear "You",

February 14.
Another Heart's Day for this year. 2010!
14.
Yeah, 14 is coming.

Another day for me to feel that I'm alive.
A day to feel pain! X|

14. Yeah. 14.

While I was walking in the city by 8:30pm, I remembered July.
I know it's bad to remember those days because it's gone.
I just remembered that day where it all began.
The day I smiled and you smiled.
The start of my happiness turned misery.

I also remembered our doodles.
We were writing "I love you" to each other so many times at the back of your little blue notebook.
We weren't talking too.
We just write there at the back of that notebook.
Where could that notebook be?
Do you still read those doodles?
I wish we just used mine so that I can always look back at it.

I also remember the nights that we were together.
One cold night in September, us and our friends were together, they made a way for us to meet.
Do you remember? We weren't allowed to see each other that night by the CSC President.
Well, we still had our chance to meet.

I remember when you say I love you to me.
I remember your voice.

I remember when you looked for me.
I hid at the gazebo where students don't usually come.
I was writing something and I did not reply at your messages.
I was surprised to see you at my back.
I was surprised when you told me that you were looking for me.
You had sweat on you forehead and I'm really sorry to let you look for me.

I remember when we used to walk in the dark streets of our subdivision.
I'm always afraid to walk alone but when you were there, I wasn't.

I remember the night before your tour.
We sat on a bench near Gate 3 on our school.
We talked about things.
We were just there and the wind blows continuously.
You said that it was nice to be there and just sit with me.
You were enjoying as well as me.
The lights were turned on by the guard and we laughed when we heard the guard say that tehre's someone there having a date.

I remember that everytime I write a letter for you, I always write "Love lots,"

I remember the nights we had in Mcdonalds, KFC and Jollibee.
I remember.

All I want to remember were the good things.
It makes me forget of the sad moments I had.

But it's not like that always.

Whenever I remember those good moments with you, I feel sad too.
It's because I know that it's gone.

Can't it be the same anymore?
I'm really a jerk for hoping for nothing.
Is it really nothing?
I mean is it really gone?

I wish I could be more good-looking.
I wish I could be more beautiful so that you won't have to look on others too.
I wish I could be good to look at so that you won't give a space when beautiful girls are coming near.
I wish I could be someone who'll meet your contentment.

I'm not.
And it really breaks my heart apart. X|

14 is coming.
That is the day I waited for so long, before.
The day we were supposed to be 6 months.
It's done as you said.

But I still hope.
I still wait.

Ha! I'm really stupid.
Like you said.
I'm really really stupid.
X|

Goodnight and God Bless You wherever you are right now.

Love lots,
Nanette Jan