It was a crime to feel lonely yesterday. It was due to the rainy afternoon and such July memories that keep on flashing on my mind. And yes, I was a suspect for the committed crime called lonely.
While waiting for people to pass by in school, he was there. A few inches right from where I was standing. I clearly remember that I always wait for him after some school activities. We always walk home together. Yesterday, after the school activity, I walked out of the campus alone under my umbrella.
On my way home, the weather was too gloomy. The song I heard made the rainy weather melancholic. "It's okay", I told myself. Someday, I'll get used to this.
I really am not into anything right now. I mean I don't feel good. I slept late last night. I just cleaned my stuffs. Yeah, I removed all the things I collected. It's now time to throw old pictures, receipts, and things you couldn't even think I kept. I didn't feel like being sentimental anymore. I really need to set things free and forget what is behind. I'm not yet done but I'll continue later this afternoon. It's so hot right now. ☼
♥►Anyway, what really makes me sorrowful is the memories from the past. Yeah, they're up to me again. Argh, I wish there's a way to erase memories. Happy memories I had makes me sick. They shouldn't be but they are.◄♥
BUT I should always remember that all those things already happened and there's no way to bring it back. God has reasons why it was taken. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)And now, I clearly understood why. It took months for me to realize that. Such a long waste of time. I depended myself on a human when I shouldn't be. Happiness can't be gained by humans or things rather happiness comes from God alone.(Galatians 5:22)
I've been hurt to deeply but now the scars are healing. I used to think it can't be mended. And I guess the only thing that can heal us is for us to choose to be healed. I took some quiet months where I only pondered on God's word. With that, I found what I was looking for. God healed me. God has forgiven me. He loves me no matter what. He opened my eyes to see what He has for me. I'm glad I had chosen to be healed because God used my hurt feelings to turn back to Him and be reminded of His love. (2 Corinthians 7:9)
I don't blame God neither question Him. I know He has better plans for me even if it means I lose the things/people I want.(The things I think good for my own.) God gave His everything which is His Son, Jesus Christ for us to be saved only if we believe and surrender our life to Him. If God did this, won't He freely give us everything else? (Romans 8:32)
♥But most of the times, I'll be reminded of those memories that will hurt me, like now. My defense for that is God's word and prayer (Ephesians 6:14-17). God is with me and I'll be fine. Memories will fade away sooner or later. I have to keep myself focused on God and not be distracted by things.♥
Well, today is a very special day for me. A very, very special, sweet day ruined by a rat. I'm celebrating my two years stay in church. :]] Here's a bit history why I really love May 25. :]]
May 25, 2008
It's a clear Sunday that morning. I went to church after a long time of rebellion and God had found me. :]] Also, I happened to "have seen" God's gift. *^^* Lastly, I remember buying a big plastic of M&Ms that afternoon. I ate it all and it made me happy. Ooops, I also went to a birthday celebration that night and I was wearing brown polo. :]]
May 25, 2009
A hot Monday that reminds me of my first year in Church. :]] It's also Karasuma's birthday. I, too, enrolled that day to my new school. Lastly, it happened to be the 100th episode of Grey's Anatomy--which I really love. It was supposed to be Grey's and Shepherd's wedding but they gave it to Izzie who was about to die.
May 25, 2010
A clear Tuesday that was ruined by a rat. It's my 2nd year in Church and also Karasuma's birthday. About the rat thing, well I hate rats and I saw one outside today. Argh, I ran and screamed. My two young cousins laughed at me and made a joke. Haha. :]] Also, it's also the birth of my Tuesday's with Jan.
Now, now, I happened to have opened a tumblr account which gave me less time writing here. With that, I've come to decide that this page of mine will be opened only every Tuesday with stories of things I never knew I had or things I wanted to share. :]] God Bless
We ate in Chowking. It's really nice. After I ate mine, I stared blankly while drinking my coke. I think what I thought during that time is that you are going to say goodbye again. You've said that a lot of times and all those times I really cried hard - -(for long days).
Well, before we ate, you said that I'm like your mom by always changing my mind. Also, before, when we were in the playground, you also said that I'm like your mom who does not listen to conversation by running away. I thought hard. I don't want you to think of me by always running away and by shifting my mind always.
I tried hard not to run away from you when you are talking. It's really hard. I wanted to cry but I did not because I don't want you to know how I really feel. I listened to you. That was the dawn in St. Thomas during our camp. You said that for the first time, I did not run away. Do you know why I did that? I hope you know. I really kept my tears inside and my heart I think while you are saying those words, it stopped beating and wished that it would never beat again. But it did not because that's reality. I kept my ears open and so is my heart while it's beginning to break again. I listened to you. I had the effort.
About shifting minds? I hope I can do that too for you to see.
BTW, it's 24 today. It was July 24, 2009 when I first saw you.
“Strangers at one point, good friends in time. Nobody knows how our world works. It’s a matter of time when you truly appreciate person. a matter of fate: where the right people are at the right place and at the right time. Nobody understands how the universe conspires for us to meet the people we’ll have or have communications with. But then, it just happens, you click and the story begins.”
“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.”
God, for all these words He has given me. Me, for all the memories written here. Some pictures are from "photobucket.com". Also from deviantart.com. Daphne Loves Derby for inspiration. imageboo for icon. this man: -_- This line, for everyone I have not mentioned:
